Subject: [6tisch] Barry Leiba's No Objection on draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-09: (with COMMENT)

From: Barry Leiba via Datatracker <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 11 Feb 2020 22:12:11 -0800

Barry Leiba has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-09: No Objection

When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all
email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this
introductory paragraph, however.)

Please refer to https://www.ietf.org/iesg/statement/discuss-criteria.html
for more information about IESG DISCUSS and COMMENT positions.

The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here:
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon/

----------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENT:
----------------------------------------------------------------------

— Section 1.2 —

   The EB is used by nodes already part of a TSCH network to annouce its
   existence.

I can’t figure out the antecedent to “its”.  Can you rephrase this sentence to
make it clearer?

   There is a limited number of timeslots designated as a broadcast slot
   by each router in the network.

While “a limited number” looks as if it should be singular, it is generally
considered plural in usage and needs “are”, not “is” (and the plural “broadcast
slots”).  This is a tricky one...

You should also get rid of the “/s” later in the paragraph.

— Section 1.3 —

   if a pledge node does not hear an
   RA, and decides to send a RS

You should be consistent in use of “a” or “an”, and I think “an” works better.

In the numbered list, each item is a complete sentence and should start with a
capital letter.  You also should fix the sentence capitalization throughout
Section 2.

   This document defines a new IETF IE subtype

Please expand “IE” here.

— Section 3 —

   The Enhanced Beagon

Typo...

   validate the beacon, providing them with a trusted

The end of that sentence is missing.

---

From: Michael Richardson <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 14 Feb 2020 21:21:19 +0100

Help needed from WG.

    >    The EB is used by nodes already part of a TSCH network to annouce
    > its existence.

    > I can’t figure out the antecedent to “its”.  Can you rephrase this
    > sentence to make it clearer?

It has been changed to "their", but that doesn't help you much.
I'm not exactly sure what to do here, so I'm asking the mailing list.

The EB announces the existence of both:
    - the nodes already joined
    - the TSCH network

I will post a new version without a fix here.
It's out as -11.

    >    There is a limited number of timeslots designated as a broadcast
    > slot by each router in the network.

    > While “a limited number” looks as if it should be singular, it is
    > generally considered plural in usage and needs “are”, not “is” (and the
    > plural “broadcast slots”).  This is a tricky one...

okay, this already fixed, found by other reviewers.

    > You should also get rid of the “/s” later in the paragraph.

I'm saying, "1 slot per second". I shall write that out?

    >    if a pledge node does not hear an RA, and decides to send a RS

    > You should be consistent in use of “a” or “an”, and I think “an” works

Fixed.

    > In the numbered list, each item is a complete sentence and should start
    > with a capital letter.  You also should fix the sentence capitalization
    > throughout Section 2.

Yeah.  In the markdown, it looks weird, but I take your point.

    > Please expand “IE” here.

okay,
BTW: actually the registry is called: "IEEE Std 802.15.4 IETF IE Subtype IDs".
I wonder if it should have been expanded in the registry :-)

    > Typo...

Yup. fixed.

    > The end of that sentence is missing.

Sorry, the result of a previous edit, now removed.

-- 
]               Never tell me the odds!                 | ipv6 mesh networks [ 
]   Michael Richardson, Sandelman Software Works        | network architect  [ 
]     [email-masked]  http://www.sandelman.ca/        |   ruby on rails    [

---

From: Michael Richardson <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 14 Feb 2020 21:24:02 +0100

>> Please expand “IE” here.

Oops, I expanded it in the wrong spot. 
I've fixed my copy.

-- 
Michael Richardson <[email-masked]>, Sandelman Software Works
 -= IPv6 IoT consulting =-

---

From: Barry Leiba <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 15 Feb 2020 00:22:04 -0500

>     - the nodes already joined

Ah, OK.  Maybe this, then?:

OLD
   The EB is used by nodes already part of a TSCH network to announce
   their existence.  Receiving an EB allows a Joining Node (pledge) to
   learn about the network and synchronize to it.
NEW
   An EB announces the existence of a TSCH network, and of the nodes
   already joined to that network.  Receiving an EB allows a Joining Node
   (pledge) to learn about the network and synchronize to it.
END

> I'm saying, "1 slot per second". I shall write that out?

Ahhhh... I hadn't picked that up at all.  Yes, the text in -11 works; thanks.

And thanks for the other changes as well.

Barry

---

From: Michael Richardson <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 15 Feb 2020 14:43:51 +0100

Barry Leiba <[email-masked]> wrote:
    > learn about the network and synchronize to it.  NEW An EB announces the
    > existence of a TSCH network, and of the nodes already joined to that
    > network.  Receiving an EB allows a Joining Node (pledge) to learn about
    > the network and synchronize to it.  END

Thank you for the suggestion.  You rock.
This is done in -12.

Dear IESG, I have gone through the 4 directorate reviews to be sure all
issues were dealt with, and reached out to the reviewers to confirm.

I have also, I hope, dealt with the comments from the Expert Reviewers for the IEEE IE
Subtype registry.  I