Subject: [Gen-art] GenART review of draft-ietf-simple-rpid-09.txt

From: [email-masked]
Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2005 20:26:17 -0500

Background for those who may be unaware of GenART:

GenART is the Area Review Team for the General Area of the IETF.
We advise the General Area Director (i.e. the IETF/IESG chair) by
providing more in depth reviews than he could do himself of documents
that come up for final decision in IESG telechat.  I was selected
as the GenART member to review this document.  Below is my review,
which was written specifically with an eye to the GenART process, but
since I believe that it will be useful to have these comments more
widely distributed, others outside the GenART group are included.

Review criteria for WG submissions: "Is this document a reasonable
contribution to the area of Internet engineering which it covers? If
not, what changes would make it so?"

This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits that
should be fixed before publication.

Overall, it's a well-written draft.  Of the nits below, I would place
some emphasis on improving the discussion of extensibility, as the
cross-reference to RFC 3863 doesn't make everything obvious.

The term "presentity" is used extensively in this draft; it is a new
term (at least to me) that needs a definition and/or explanation,
including how it relates to "person".  My guess from context is that
a presentity is a proxy for presence determination/reporting purposes.

Section 1, Introduction - CPIM acronym used without expansion or prior
definition.  Please supply one.

Section 3.1 Overview - The From/until? column in Figure 1 is not
explained until a few paragraphs after the table.  This might be a
pagination issue, but the Notes? column in Figure 1 is not explained
at all, which is an omission.  The text should explain all the columns
in the table just before or immediately after the table.

Near the end of Section 3.1, the following sentence describes
extensibility of enumerations:

	Enumerations can be extended by elements from other namespaces.

There are a couple of important points that aren't obvious from this
statement that should be explained here:
- The namespaces for standard extensions are specified in Section 6.
- Anyone can define an extension by  defining a new namespace
	(not using a standard extensions namespace).
In connection with the latter point ...

Section 6, Extending RPID - It would be useful to adapt the
following text from Section 4.2.1 of RFC 3863 to this section:

   Any developer can introduce their own element names,
   avoiding conflict by choosing an appropriate namespace URI.

to explain how to define new enumeration values without conflict, and
as part of this an explanation of "appropriate" would be useful.

Thanks,
--David
----------------------------------------------------
David L. Black, Senior Technologist
EMC Corporation, 176 South St., Hopkinton, MA  01748
+1 (508) 293-7953             FAX: +1 (508) 293-7786
[email-masked]        Mobile: +1 (978) 394-7754
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From: Jonathan Rosenberg <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 23 Nov 2005 08:57:39 -0500

adding Paul K, whose email is [email-masked]. Also mine is 
[email-masked] now.

-Jonathan R.

-- 
Jonathan D. Rosenberg, Ph.D.                   600 Lanidex Plaza
Director, Service Provider VoIP Architecture   Parsippany, NJ 07054-2711
Cisco Systems
[email-masked]                              FAX:   (973) 952-5050
http://www.jdrosen.net                         PHONE: (973) 952-5000
http://www.cisco.com

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From: Henning Schulzrinne <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 23 Nov 2005 20:19:03 -0500

David,

thank you for the helpful comments on this document. I've creating an 
interim version of the draft at

http://www.cs.columbia.edu/sip/draft/rpid/draft-ietf-simple-rpid-10.html

that hopefully incorporates your feedback. I will await further IESG 
feedback before submitting a new version to the I-D editor.

Thank you for volunteering your time as part of the GenART process.

Henning

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From: Harald Tveit Alvestrand <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 24 Nov 2005 11:15:53 +0100

> a presentity is a proxy for presence determination/reporting purposes.

"Presentity" is a term invented by the CPIM architecture specs - "that for 
which presence is asserted", without consideration of whether it's a 
person, a dog, a machine, a room or a figment of the imagination. Agree 
that it needs a reference.