Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-smime-escertid-04.txt

From: Francis Dupont <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2007 16:09:40 +0100

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-smime-escertid-04.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 2007-01-30
IETF LC End Date: 2007-01-31
IESG Telechat date: 2007-02-02?

Summary: Not Ready

Comments:
 - a security consideration section is mandatory.

 - the introduction fails to explain how the hash is used even the idea
   is very simple (identify without ambiguity a certificate by its hash).

 - and its fails too to explain the choices.

 - 1 page 3: the text is painful to read.

 - 1 page 3 ESSCertID -> ESSCertID,

 - why the version 2 is described before the version 1?

 - 2 page 4: the text is painful.

 - 2 page 4: SHA-1 able -> SHA-1 to be able

 - 2 page 4: I.e. -> I.e.,

 - 3 and 5: why the "authorization certificates" became the "certificates"?

 - 3 and 5: what are the real differences between 3 and 5 texts?
   Is it possible to factorize them in order to make common and different
   parts easy to find?

 - 3 page 6: asserts apply -> asserts to apply

 - 3 page 6: SigningCertificate -> SigningCertificateV2 or perhaps you
   mean "SigningCertificateV1 or SigningCertificateV2". I suggest to
   introduce SigningCertificate as the "or" of the two versions.

 - 4 page 8: choose between hashAlg and hashAlgorithm

 - 4 page 8: e.g. -> e.g.,

 - 4 page 8: I don't like the definition of issuer even it is copied from
   RFC 2634. For instance GeneralNames is not GeneralName, and the
   consequences must be drawn/explained...

 - 5 pages 9 and 10: what are the differences with RFC 2634 and why?

 - 7 page 12: PKIXCERT and RFC3280 are the same document!

 - I didn't check the ASN.1 (seems OK according to a diff with RFC's one).
   Is there a recommended tool? I know there is one for MIBs.

 - Author page 18: USA in the address, +1 in the phone number.

Regards

[email-masked]

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