Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-saintandre-rfc4622bis-01

From: "Vijay K. Gurbani" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2007 10:42:52 -0500

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please wait for direction from your document shepherd
or AD before posting a new version of the draft.

Document: draft-saintandre-rfc4622bis-01
Reviewer: Vijay K. Gurbani
Review Date: 21 Aug 2007
IESG Telechat date: 1 Sept 2007

Summary: This draft is ready for publication as a Proposed Standard.

This is a short draft that defines the use of IRIs and URIs
in XMPP communications.  A few nits follow:

1) In a few places, [IRI], [IDNA] et al. are used as a reference
  holder as well as a subject, example in S2.2:

   "...to convert [IRI] syntax into [IDNA] syntax ..."

  You may want to reconsider rewriting these as follows:

   "... to convert IRI syntax [IRI] into IDNA syntax [IDNA]..."

  for better readability.

2) S2.5: s/examples include but are not/examples include, but are not/

3) In S2.7.2 and S2.8.2, XMPP addresses continue to the next line.
  Do you need LWS at the beginning of the second line to denote
  continuation?

4) S3.8, consider s/XXXX/this document

Thanks,

- vijay
-- 
Vijay K. Gurbani, Bell Laboratories, Alcatel-Lucent
2701 Lucent Lane, Rm. 9F-546, Lisle, Illinois 60532 (USA)
Email: vkg@{alcatel-lucent.com,bell-labs.com,acm.org}
WWW:   http://www.alcatel-lucent.com/bell-labs

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