Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-mipshop-mis-ps-05

From: "Vijay K. Gurbani" <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 06 Dec 2007 11:07:39 -0600

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please wait for direction from your document shepherd
or AD before posting a new version of the draft.

Document: draft-ietf-mipshop-mis-ps-05
Reviewer: Vijay K. Gurbani
Review Date: 6 Dec 2007
IESG Telechat date: 10 Dec 2007

Summary: This draft is ready for publication as an Informational.
Some nits below.

- S1: Consider changing the heading of bullet item 1 as follows:
   OLD:
    The Information: the information elements being exchanged.
   NEW:
    The Information Exchange: the information elements being exchanged.

  Rationale: In Figures 1-3, you use the label "Information
  Exchange".  This label ties in nicely with the modified text above.

- S3, first paragraph, first line:
   s/in the introduction mobility/in the introduction, mobility

- S3, second paragraph, first line:
   s/In this document the/In this document, the

- S4.3, Figure 3: Should the label "Transport" be "Transport over
   IP"?

Thanks,

- vijay
-- 
Vijay K. Gurbani, Bell Laboratories, Alcatel-Lucent
2701 Lucent Lane, Rm. 9F-546, Lisle, Illinois 60532 (USA)
Email: vkg@{alcatel-lucent.com,bell-labs.com,acm.org}
WWW:   http://www.alcatel-lucent.com/bell-labs

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