Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Review of draft-ietf-geopriv-l7-lcp-ps-09.txt

From: Sean Turner <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 10:48:24 -0400

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviewer 
for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see 
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html). Please resolve 
these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-geopriv-l7-lcp-ps-09.txt
Reviewer: Sean Turner
Review Date: 2009-05-29
IETF LC End Date: 2009-06-09
IESG Telechat date: (not known)

Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits 
that should be fixed before publication.

Nits/editorial comments:

Abstract: Spell out 1st occurrence of SIP

1.1: r/This document is structured as follows./This remainder of this 
document is structured as follows.

Figure 1: r/|Customer Premises Network  |/| Customer Premises Network |

3: Spell out 1st occurrence of DSL

3: r/Wimax/WiMAX

3: r/WiMax/WiMAX

3.1: Spell out 1st occurrence of DHCP, NIC, PPPoe, VoIP, LAN, VPN

3.2: Spell out 1st occurrence of IP

Figure 2: There are two "Host B" boxes.  Should one be B' (i.e., Host B 
moved?)

4 & 5: r/They do not in any way mean that their is consensus that any of 
these approaches are good or bad or that the IETF is in any recommended 
in this document that any of these be used./They do not in any way mean 
that their is consensus that any of these approaches are good or bad or 
that the IETF is in any way recommending that any of these be used.

4: r/or in access network/or in [the/an?] access network

4: Spell out 1st occurrence of FQDN, DNS, SRV, NAPTR, STUN

4: Is there a reference for how to thwart the noted security issues?

5: Spell out 1st occurrence of MAC, ATM, VCI, VPI, VC, DSLAM, VDSL, CDP, 
  RADIUS,

5: Is there a reference for the "TR-069v2 DSL Forum document"?

5: Is there a reference for how to thwart the noted security issues 
(e.g., a pointer to link layer protection mechanisms)?

6: Not sure I understand this ", to devices that can change attachment 
points with the impact that their IP address is changed, to devices that 
do not change their IP address while roaming".  What's the "with the 
impact that their" about?

6 VPN: r/LIS used by the client/LIS used by the VPN client

6: Spell out 1st occurrence of NSIS, NATFW, NSLP

6: r/[19] ./[19].

---

From: Sean Turner <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 11:46:40 -0400

There's a list of abbreviations you don't have to spell out 
(http://www.rfc-editor.org/rfc-style-guide/abbrev.expansion.txt) that I 
didn't know about so don't bother spelling out (the one's with the *s 
(thanks Spencer)): SIP, DSL, DHCP, LAN, IP, DNS, ATM.

spt

Sean Turner wrote:
> _______________________________________________
> Gen-art mailing list
> [email-masked]
> https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
>