Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-isms-secshell-16.txt (partial)

From: Francis Dupont <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 08 May 2009 00:53:38 +0200

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please wait for direction from your document shepherd
or AD before posting a new version of the draft.

Document: draft-ietf-isms-secshell-16.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 2009-05-07
IESG Telechat date: 07 May 2009

Summary: none as draft-ietf-isms-secshell-17.txt was published before
I finished the review... Comments are about the not-MIB part (i.e.,
not the section 7) and of course about the version before the update.

Major issues: none in the read part

Minor issues:
 - STD 62 (aka SNMPv3 aka RFC341[1-8]) must be explicitely cited

Nits/editorial comments:
 - ToC page 3: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgements

 - 1 and 1.1 page 4: move the (SNMP) from 1.1 to 1.

 - 1.2 page 4: STD62 -> STD 62 (but it should be referenced in 1, not here)

 - 3.1.4 page 12: a SSH -> an SSH
   (based on "es es haish" pronunciation)

 - 5.1 page 16 (twice): e.g. -> e.g.,

 - 5.1 page 17: move the ASI abbrev intro from 5.3 to here

 - 9.1 page 30: DH -> Diffie-Hellman exchange

 - 11 page 33: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgements

 - 12.1 page 34: bad page layout
  (I-D.ietf-isms-transport-security-model too long for the tool)

 - Authors' Addresses page 38: US -> USA

Regards

[email-masked]

PS: note you have some comments about -17 version from IESG.
As I've seen a "Revised ID Needed" I (or another gen-art reviewer)
wait for a -18...