Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-l3vpn-2547bis-mcast-08

From: "McCann Peter-A001034" <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 2009 16:11:53 -0400

Sorry this is a day late...

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviewer
for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html
<http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html> ). 

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive. 

Document: draft-ietf-l3vpn-2547bis-mcast-08
Reviewer: Pete McCann
Review Date: 2009-09-09
IETF LC End Date: 2009-09-08
IESG Telechat date: unknown 

Summary: Ready for publication

Major issues: none

Minor issues: 

Section 12.1.2, Encapsulation in IP.  This isn't a viable option for
aggregated PMSIs, right?  You may want to point this out with some
text.

Nits/editorial comments: 

2.1.2:
   procedures for carry MVPN data traffic
SHOULD BE:
   procedures for carrying MVPN data traffic

Section 4:
   route.If any other
SHOULD BE:
   route. If any other

   sender sites set
SHOULD BE:
   Sender Sites set

   receiver sites set
SHOULD BE:
   Receiver Sites set

   This syntax of this
SHOULD BE:
   The syntax of this

   are are unique
SHOULD BE:
   are unique

Section 5.1.3:
   This results in a set of pairs of <route, upstream PE, upstream RD>.
SHOULD BE:
   This results in a set of triples of <route, upstream PE, upstream
RD>.

Section 5.2.1:
   as a integral part
SHOULD BE:
   as an integral part

Section 5.3.4:
   over from some
SHOULD BE:
   from some

Section 6.1.1:
   to those data packets belong.
SHOULD BE:
   to which those data packets belong.

Section 6.1.2:
   If the PE tunnel technology requires tunnels to be build
SHOULD BE:
   If the P-tunnel technology requires tunnels to be built

Section 6.3.2:
   unwanted MVPNs hat a particular PE
SHOULD BE:
   unwanted MVPNs that a particular PE

Section 6.3.3:
   originated the ingress PEs.
SHOULD BE:
   originated by the ingress PEs.

Section 6.4.3:
   used to carry a the set
SHOULD BE:
   used to carry the set

Section 6.4.5:
   over an Unicast Tunnel
SHOULD BE:
   over a Unicast Tunnel

Section 7:
   i.e,. for
SHOULD BE:
   i.e., for

Section 7.2:
   bound to the to the 
SHOULD BE:
   bound to the 

Section 7.3:
   not have send
SHOULD BE:
   not have sent

Section 8.1.3.2.1:
   The F bit is set to 0.
There is no F bit in the packet diagram.  Is this something inherited
from the PIM structure?  Suggest adding a reference.

Section 8.2.1.1:
   This RD MUST be
   of Type 0, MUST embed the autonomous system number of the AS.
SHOULD BE:
   This RD MUST be
   of Type 0, and MUST embed the autonomous system number of the AS.

Section 8.2.1.2.1:
   A-D route if
SHOULD BE:
   A-D route, if

Section 8.2.1.2.2:
   carries a AS MVPN membership tree ,
SHOULD BE:
   carries an AS MVPN membership tree,

Section 10:
   share tree.
SHOULD BE:
   shared tree.

Section 11:
   procedures is very complicated, 
SHOULD BE:
   procedure is very complicated,

Section 11:
   the
   the standard LAN-based DF
SHOULD BE:
   then
   the standard LAN-based DF

Section 11:
   that use the
SHOULD BE:
   that the

Section 11.2.2:
   The the root
SHOULD BE:
   If the root

Section 12.3.2:
   As will be discussed in section 11,
SHOULD BE:
   As was discussed in section 11,

Section 12.3.2:
   then unless the procedures of section
   12.2.3 are being used,
There is no section 12.2.3.

Section 12.3.2:
   the encapsulations of section 11.2 MUST be used.
Confused - section 11.2 doesn't talk about encapsulations.

Section 13:
   BGP MVPN-BGP],
SHOULD BE:
   BGP [MVPN-BGP],

Section 13:
   the way in that 
SHOULD BE:
   the way in which

Section 13:
   If the amount of customer multicast
   activity exceed expectations,
SHOULD BE:
   If the amount of customer multicast
   activity exceeds expectations,