Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ccamp-lsp-dppm-10.txt

From: Francis Dupont <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 30 Nov 2009 16:56:09 +0100

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-ccamp-lsp-dppm-10.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 2009-11-28
IETF LC End Date: 2009-11-23
IESG Telechat date: unknown

Summary: Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: too many authors in Authors' Addresses (see below)

Nits/editorial comments:
 - the document is heavily cut & paste between sections. This makes it
  like a MIB document so I have a mixed opinion about whether it is a
  good thing: the document is very clear, each part stands by itself,
  but it is a bit long and certainly boring to read.

 - Abstract page 3: I prefer to get the LSP abbrev introducted
  (the Abstract should stand by itself and LSP is not stared by
   the RFC Editor as well known/doesn't need expansion)

 - TOC page 6:
  * extra space in 12. title
  * Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments

 - Introduction page 8: same concern about LSP (but in this case you can
 consider it was introduced in the document title)

 - 4.7 page 13 (and 5.7 page 16, 6.7 page 20, 7.7 page 24):
  (T2 -T1) -> (T2-T1)

 - 4.8 page 13 (and 5.8 page 17, 6.8 page 20, 7.8 page 25, 8.8 page 29):
  uppper -> upper

 - 6.6 page 20 (and 7.6 page 23):
  Thus, In practice -> Thus, in practice

 - 8.8 page 29: eg. -> e.g.,

 - 12 page 39 (title): Bidirectional  LSPs -> Bidirectional LSPs

 - 12.7.2.1 page 42 (first statement):
   multiple bidirec... -> Multiple bidirec...

 - 18 page 49 (title): Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments

 - Authors' Addresses:
  * add a space after a comma (',' -> ', ')
  * CN -> China (many!)
  * Telecommunicaiton -> Telecommunication?
  * you have too many authors, I suggest to keep the two editors and
   to put other authors in a "contributors section". Look at the RFC
   Editor site about how to do this.

Regards

[email-masked]

PS: spelling of Re[sS]erVation in RSVP is not uniform but this happened
12 years ago... too late to fix it.