Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-mip4-rfc3344bis-09.txt

From: "Miguel A. Garcia" <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 08 Mar 2010 11:56:40 +0100

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-mip4-rfc3344bis-09.txt
Reviewer: Miguel Garcia <[email-masked]>
Review Date: 2010-03-08
IETF LC End Date: 2010-03-11
IESG Telechat date: 2010-03-11

Summary: The document is ready for publication as a Standards Track RFC-

Major issues: none

Minor issues: none

Nits/editorial comments:

- The document is solid, as one should expect from a "bis" draft. Since 
it is a long document, I focused on the changes of version 09 of the 
draft since RFC 3344.

- I will suggest to add a Figure number and a caption to each of the 
figures in the draft. For example, take a look at figures in Section 
2.1.1, 2.1.2, and so on. I recognize that captions were not present in 
RFC 3344, but I think this will improve the readability of the document 
and add the possibility to refer to figures from external documents.

- Typo in Section 3.8.3: duplicated "it".

   "it it SHOULD in most cases send"
       ^^

- The structure of Appendix G is a bit confusing. Section G.1 lists the 
changes made since RFC 3344. Sections G.2 and G.3 list the Major and 
Minor Changes, respectively, but it is not clear to me if these are 
changes since RFC 3344 or they include earlier changes as well. To add 
more confusion, Section G4 lists the changes since RFC 3344, but wasn't 
this what Section G.1 is all about?

- I noticed that IANA has made a number of comments about Section 6, so I 
will refrain from making comments.

/Miguel

-- 
Miguel A. Garcia
+34-91-339-3608
Ericsson Spain