Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-sipclf-format-09.txt

From: Francis Dupont <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 27 Dec 2012 16:10:02 +0100

It seems I forgot to send this before Christmas... I apologize.

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at

<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-sipclf-format-09.txt (applies to -11.txt too)
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 20121220
IETF LC End Date: 20121217
IESG Telechat date: 20121220

Summary: Almost Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: the encoding of the BEB is inconsistent: one part of the text
specifies 0x00 or 0x01 values, another the hexadecimal of these, i.e.,
the two characters 00 or 01. IMHO they are many good reasons to take the
second but it requires to fix the text, for instance to put the BEB field
in figure 5 section 4.4 page 16 on 2 octets (vs only one) with the mention
"(Hex)".

Nits/editorial comments: (with version 11 page numbers)
 - ToC page 2 and 10 page 28: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments

 - 2 page 4: inconsistent use of article in:

   This document uses the term "SIP Server" that is defined to include
   the following SIP entities: user agent server, registrar, redirect
   server, a SIP proxy in the role of user agent server, and a B2BUA in
   the role of a user agent server.

 (IMHO the best is to removed it in the second "the role of a user")

 - 4 page 7: it should be reader friendly to decode the separators
  (i.e., to say 0x2C == ',', etc)

 - 4.2 page 11: i.e. -> i.e.,

 - 4.2 page 12: Encrytped -> Encrypted

 - 4.2 page 13: I have a small concern about the two "(if present)" for
  "To Tag" and "From Tag" because the way it has to be encoded if not
  present is explained after in 4.3. IMHO a reference with a short
  indication ("-") should be wellcome.

 - 4.4 pages 15 and 16: place where BEB is specified.

 - 4.4 page 18: e.g. -> e.g.,

 - 4.4 (1) page 18: first example where the BEB is clearly encoded in
  hexadecimal into 2 octets/characters.

 - Authors' Addresses page 30: (3 times) US -> USA

Regards (and as it is a bit late for Christmas, Happy New Year!)

[email-masked]