Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-6man-udpchecksums-06

From: "Peter Yee" <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 26 Dec 2012 03:05:01 -0800

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>

Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a
new version of the draft.

Document: draft-ietf-6man-udpchecksums-06
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: Dec-25-2012
IETF LC End Date: Dec-25-2012
IESG Telechat date: Unknown

Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits that
should be fixed before publication. [Ready with nits.]

This document provides an update to 2460 to allow the use of zero checksum
UDP packets over IPv6 in certain
cases involving protocols tunneled inside of UDP packets.

Nits:

General: a comma after "i.e." is preferred in American English.

General: it is not necessary to hyphenate "misdelivered" or "misdelivery".

General: put quotes around "Applicability Statement for the use of IPv6 UDP
Datagrams with Zero  Checksums"

Abstract, first sentence: "when" -> "where"

Abstract, second sentence: "protocol" -> "protocols"

Section 1, second paragraph, first sentence: delete the comma after
"packet".

Section 1, fourth paragraph, first sentence: move the comma in "AMT," to
after the reference.

Section 1, fourth paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" after "applicable
in".

Section 3, second sentence: delete the first occurrence of "where".
Consider revising the sentence for clarity.

Section 4, second sentence: "Section" -> "Sections"

Section 4.1, it would be nice, but not necessary to have an enumeration of
the corruption modes.  

Section 4.1, third bullet item, first sentence: a verb is missing here
making the sentence difficult to parse.

Section 4.1, third bullet item, first sentence: "packets" -> "packet"

Section 4.1, third bullet item, third sub-bullet: put commas around "for
example".

Section 4.2, first bullet item, last sentence: this sentence is hard to
understand; consider revising.  (See next comment)

Section 4.2, first bullet item, last sentence: "an" -> "a" and "are" ->
"is"; also not general comment about "misdelivered".

Section 4.2, third bullet item, third sentence: "effect" -> "affect"

Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, first sentence: delete
"this".

Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, third sentence:
"mis-delievery" -> "misdelivery".

Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, third sentence: delete
"that".

Section 4.3, first sentence: "middlebox devices" -> "middleboxes" unless
this a specific usage from I-D.ietf-6man-udpzero.

Section 4.3, second sentence: "needs" -> "need"

Section 5, first paragraph, second sentence: insert "in" after "node
requirements".

Section 5, first paragraph of replacement text, second sentence: delete
"usage for", replace "some" with "certain", and replace second "protocols"
with "those".

Section 5, last paragraph: delete first instance of "the".

Section 6, first bullet item, first sentence: "corruptions" -> "corruption"

Section 6, second bullet item, last sentence: change "This" to "UDP-Lite".

Section 8, first sentence: delete redundant "required".