Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-alto-server-discovery-08

From: Meral Shirazipour <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 21 Jun 2013 05:54:09 +0000

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq  .

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-alto-server-discovery-08
Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour
Review Date: 2013-06-20
IETF LC End Date: 2013-06-20
IESG Telechat date: NA

Summary:
This draft is almost ready to be published as Standards Track RFC but I do have some comments.

Nits/editorial comments:
-[Page 4], 2nd line before last, "funcional"--typo-->"functional"
-[Page 5], Section 2, Point 2, "neccessary"--typo-->"necessary"
-[Page 5], 2nd paragraph before last, "whishes"--typo-->"wishes"
-[Page 5], last paragraph, "neccessarily"--typo-->"necessarily"
-[Page 6], Section 3.1.1.
"If DHCP-based discovery succeeds the software SHOULD inform the user that the user input has been ignored and replaced by information retrieved from the network."
Suggestion to put "," after "If DHCP-based discovery succeeds".
-[Page 8], Section 4, line 3, "mobilility"--typo-->"mobility"
-[Page 8], Section 4, paragraph 2, "familly"--typo-->"family"
-[Page 8], Section 4, paragraph 2, "familiy"--typo-->"family"
-[Page 9], last line, "corrsponding"--typo-->"corresponding"
-[Page 11], paragraph 3, "anormalities"--typo-->"abnormalities"
-[page 12]
"The security aspects of obtaining the domain name that is used for input to the U-NAPTR process is described in respective documents, such as [RFC5986]."
Refers to more than one documents but only lists RFC5986. It would be better to either list the other documents or say "described in [RFC5986]."
-[Page 13], Section 7.2, Ref. [I-D.ietf-alto-protocol] points to older version.
-[Page 13], Section 7.2, Ref. [I-D.kist-alto-3pdisc] points to older version.
-General, please consider spelling out acronyms when first used. Also using a common way (first letters capital or not):
"network address translation (NAT)" versus "Virtual Private Network (VPN)"

Best Regards,
Meral
---
Meral Shirazipour
Ericsson
Research
www.ericsson.com