Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-art review of draft-ietf-clue-telepresence-use-cases-07

From: "Moriarty, Kathleen" <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 19 Sep 2013 11:44:10 -0400

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at

<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-clue-telepresence-use-cases-07
Reviewer: Kathleen Moriarty
Review Date: 9-19-13
IETF LC End Date: 9-26-13
IESG Telechat date: (if known)

Summary: The draft is ready with nits to resolve.

Major issues:

Minor issues:

Nits/editorial comments:
End of first paragraph on page 4 (section 2), change - to ,
   This state of affairs
   is not acceptable for the continued growth of telepresence -
   telepresence systems should have the same ease of interoperability as
   do telephones.

Last paragraph in section 2, first sentence.  Consider correcting the punctuation, changing from:
The receiving device that decides how to render incoming information
   needs to understand a number of variables such as the spatial
   position of the speaker, the field of view of the cameras; the camera
   zoom; which media stream is related to each of the screens; etc.
To:
  The receiving device that decides how to render incoming information
   needs to understand a number of variables such as the spatial
   position of the speaker, the field of view of the cameras, the camera
   zoom, which media stream is related to each of the screens, etc.

End of section 3, consider changing from "on one site" to "at one site".  I would use on if I were referring to one side of the virtual table and '"at" for a location.
       Likewise, if a participant on one
       site gestures to a participant on the other site, all
       participants observe the gesture itself and the participants it
       includes.

This phrase is used in the rest of section 3, consider changing it.  Section 3.3 switches back to use "at a site".