Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-ipfix-mediation-protocol-07

From: Meral Shirazipour <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 02:39:15 +0000

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq  .

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-ipfix-mediation-protocol-07
Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour
Review Date: 2013-10-25
IETF LC End Date: 2013-10-25
IESG Telechat date: NA

Summary:
This draft is almost ready to be published as Standard RFC but I do have some comments.

Major issues:
none

Minor issues:
none

Nits/editorial comments:

-[Page 3], Section 1,
"The specifications in the IPFIX protocol
   [RFC7011] have not been defined in the context of an IPFIX Mediator
   receiving, aggregating, correlating, anonymizing, etc... Flow Records
   from one or more Exporters.
"
not clear after the "etc...".   Maybe it should be "etc., Flow Records from one or more Exporters." ?

-[Page 3], Section 1,
"An overview of the technical problem is covered in section
   6 of [RFC5982]: loss of original Exporter information, loss of base
   time information, transport sessions management, loss of Options
   Template Information, Template Id management, considerations for
   network considerations for aggregation.

"
Last part of the sentence uses "considerations" twice. Please revise for better clarity.
Also in html format, "section 6 of [RFC5982]" points to section 6 of the draft and not the RFC.

-[Page 8], Section 3, Figure 1:
Caption should say "IPFIX Message Header Format"

-[Page 12], "Figure 3 shows the Template Mapping for the system shown in Figure 2."
Where is Figure 3? Is the text above Figure 3 caption on page 13 considered to be the figure? If so it is a bit confusing.
This comment applies to other figures as well. Suggestion, use ascii art to draw boxes around the text.
General comment about figures: some of them span across pages, it would be good to revise those.

-[Page 18], just before Section 5.1, it would be good to introduce sections 5.1 and 5.2.
-[Page 19], just before Section 6.1, it would be good to introduce it.
-[Page 23], just before Section 10.3, it would be good to introduce sections 10.3 and 10.4.

Best Regards,
Meral
---
Meral Shirazipour
Ericsson Research
www.ericsson.com