Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-p2psip-sip-17

From: Meral Shirazipour <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 7 Apr 2016 00:38:49 +0000

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Document:  draft-ietf-p2psip-sip-17
Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour
Review Date: 2016-04-06
IETF LC End Date:  2016-04-06
IESG Telechat date: 2016-04-21

Summary:
This draft is ready to be published as Standards Track RFC but I have some comments.

Major issues:

Minor issues:

Nits/editorial comments:
-[Page 1] Abstract: some suggestions for clarity:
-After "(RELOAD)" it would be clearer to add [rfc6940].
-"Uris"---->"URIs"
-"the AppAttach method"---->"the RELOAD AppAttach method"

I find the first paragraph of the Introduction more suitable for abstract text.
The abstract should clarify which protocols are being extended here SIP, RELOAD, both.

-[Page 4], "ICE" to be spelled out at first use.

-[Page 7], "PDU" to be spelled out at first use.

-[Page 12], "either SIP scheme"--->"either SIP schemes"
-[Page 13], "Uris"---->"URIs"
-[Page 13], "gr URI"--->"  "gr" URI  "
-[Page 18], ietf-p2psip-share ref to be updated to latest

Best Regards,
Meral
---
Meral Shirazipour
Ericsson
Research
www.ericsson.com