Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART LC review of draft-ietf-trill-channel-tunnel-09

From: "Peter Yee" <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 1 Jul 2016 23:33:52 -0700

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft.  The General Area Review
Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for
the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just like any other last call
comment.  For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>

Document: draft-ietf-trill-channel-tunnel-09
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: July 1, 2016
IETF LC End Date: July  1, 2016
IESG Telechat date: July 7, 2016

Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as a Proposed
Standard, but has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready
with nits]

This draft extends TRILL RBridge Channels so that they can transmit
additional, tunneled message types.  Security services for RBridge Channel
messages can be provisioned via RFC 5310 authentication and/or DTLS.  The
draft is well-written and easy to understand in the larger TRILL context.

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits:

General:

For cases of "[RFC5310] Based authentication" to "[RFC5310]-based
authentication".  Watch for one instance of "RFC 5310 Based" as well.

Specific:

Page 3, Section 1, 1st paragraph, last sentence: delete the comma following
"link".

Page 4, "HKDF" definition: Change "Hash based" to "HMAC-based".

Page 4, "MTU" definition: add a period at the end of the definition for
consistency.

Page 4, "Sz" definition: change "Campus wide" to "Campus-wide".

Page 6, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: suggest changing "RBridge Channel
Extension Protocol" to "Extended RBridge Channel Protocol" as this is the
usage throughout the rest of the document.

Page 8, Section 3.1, 3rd sentence: insert "tunneled" before "data".  I hope
this will help clarity when referring back to Figure 2.4 which includes
"Tunneled Data".

Page 8, Section 3.2, 1st sentence: append "(tunneled data)" after "payload".
This is done for the same reason, although I'm not recommending doing this
for all further occurrences of "payload" in other sections as I hope the
connection is made by that point.

Page 12, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change "link local" to "link-local".

Page 12, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "These constructed addresses"
to "A constructed address".

Page 14, Section 4, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "use" to "used".

Page 14, Section 4, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "DTLS based" to
"DTLS-based".

Page 14, Section 4, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "data accessible" to
"data-accessible".

Page 15, 1st partial paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" before
"output-derived".

Page 16, 1st bullet item: change "or" to "on".

Page 17, 1st paragraph: delete the comma after "keying".

Page 18, 2nd full paragraph, last sentence: change "secuirty" to "security".

Page 20, Section 6.2, 1st paragraph: change "a" to "an".

Page 21, Section 7, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "processing of".  Or
change "processing" to "process".

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From: Donald Eastlake <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 2 Jul 2016 22:25:47 -0400

Hi Peter,

Thanks for your thorough review. See below.

> authentication".  Watch for one instance of "RFC 5310 Based" as well.

OK.

(Nit-Nit: I think in the nit above, the first word should be Four.)

> to "A constructed address".

Humm. I don't really like your suggested change. How about I change it
to "Such a constructed address ..."

> change "processing" to "process".

Instead, change the immediately following "decapsulating" to "decapsulated".

Thanks,
Donald
===============================
 Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
 155 Beaver Street, Milford, MA 01757 USA
 [email-masked]

---

From: "Peter Yee" <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 2 Jul 2016 21:13:00 -0700

Donald,

>(Nit-Nit: I think in the nit above, the first word should be Four.)

Ha!  (I hadn't actually counted the number of cases. )

>Humm. I don't really like your suggested change. How about I change it to "Such a constructed address ..."

Fine by me.

>> Page 21, Section 7, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "processing 
>> of".  Or change "processing" to "process".

>Instead, change the immediately following "decapsulating" to "decapsulated".

That works as well.

Thanks for considering my suggestions.

		-Peter