Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-softwire-unified-cpe-04

From: Paul Kyzivat <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 22 Aug 2016 18:15:21 -0400

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Document: draft-ietf-softwire-unified-cpe-04
Reviewer: Paul Kyzivat
Review Date:
IETF LC End Date: 2016-08-25
IESG Telechat date: ?

Summary:

This draft is on the right track but has open issues, described in the 
review.

Issues:

Major: 0
Minor: 2
Nits:  1

(1) MINOR: Section 1.2:

This defines the "S46 Priority Option". On first reading I didn't 
realize that this was intended to be a DHCPv6 option. On rereading, I 
found "This document describes a DHCPv6 based prioritisation method", 
which in retrospect does specify this.

I suggest a few changes to make this clearer to a first-time reader:

a) Mention it clearly in the abstract:

    ... this memo specifies a DHCPv6 option whereby ...

b) Change heading of section 1.2 to "S46 Priority DHCPv6 Option"

c) Change heading of section 1.4 to "DHCPv6 Server Behavior"

(2) MINOR: Section 1.3:

In the following:

    In the event that the client receives OPTION_V6_S46_PRIORITY with the
    following errors, it MUST be discarded:

    o  No s46-option-code field is included.
    o  Multiple s46-option-code fields with the same value are included.

This generates an obligation on the client to check whether a value is 
replicated in the list. It should still be possible to use the list in 
this case, so is it really important that the list be discarded rather 
than used?

And if the list is empty then following the procedures (and hence 
finding no match) will produce the same functional result as ignoring 
the option.

It seems like simply saying nothing about these "errors" would produce 
comparable results while being simpler.

3) NIT: Section 1.4:

Use of terminology "option foo" seems strangely informal here. I suggest 
something like:

    As a convenience to the reader, we mention here that the server
    will send a particular option code only if configured with specific
    values for that option code and if the client requested it.

---

From: <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 23 Aug 2016 07:47:53 +0000

Dear Paul, 

Thank you for the review. 

Please see inline.

Cheers,
Med

> -----Message d'origine-----
> De : Paul Kyzivat [mailto:[email-masked]]
> Envoyé : mardi 23 août 2016 00:15
> À : [email-masked]
> Cc : General Area Review Team
> Objet : Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-softwire-unified-cpe-04
> 

[Med] Fixed. Thank you.

> this case, so is it really important that the list be discarded rather

[Med] The point here is to force the server to correct its configuration so that no duplicate values are returned.

>     values for that option code and if the client requested it.

[Med] Your wording is OK. FWIW, the initial text is from the Guidelines documented in https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc7227#section-21.2

---

From: Paul Kyzivat <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 23 Aug 2016 10:55:57 -0400

Med,

Thanks. Those changes seem fine.

	Paul