Subject: [Gen-art] Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-11

From: Elwyn Davies <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 24 Jan 2017 12:40:35 -0800

Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review result: Ready

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Document: draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-11
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review Date: 2017-01-24
IETF LC End Date: 2017-01-26
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: Ready.  There are a couple of trivial nits mentioned below. 
Given that the draft has a minimal set of changes apart from the
addition of two sections, I have not read the unchanged pieces in
detail 

Major issues:
None

Minor issues:
None

Nits/editorial comments: 
s1, para 2: s/TLS protocol/The TLS protocol/ (as per RFC 4572)

s4, para 2: s/a new protocol identifier/the protocol identifier/ (it
isn't new any more)

s5.1: Suggest s/m- line/"m" line/  for consistency with s3.4

s5.1, para 1: s/e.g./e.g.,/

s5.1, para 4: s/that each used certificate matches/that each
certificate used matches/

s5.1, para 5: s/each used certificate matches/each certificate used
matches/

s8, para 5: ' This specification creates a new IANA registry named
"Hash Function Textual Names".'  
The registry is no longer new.  Perhaps s/creates a new IANA
registry/takes over the IANA registry from RFC 4572/

---

From: Christer Holmberg <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2017 13:40:32 +0000

Hi Elwyn,

Thanks for your review! See inline.

>s1, para 2: s/TLS protocol/The TLS protocol/ (as per RFC 4572)

I will fix as suggested.

>s4, para 2: s/a new protocol identifier/the protocol identifier/ (it

I am happy to remove ³new², but doesn¹t ³a² still sound better than ³the²?

>s5.1: Suggest s/m- line/"m" line/  for consistency with s3.4

I will replace with single quotes (Œm¹), for consistency with s3.4 and s4.

>s5.1, para 1: s/e.g./e.g.,/

I will fix as suggested.

>certificate used matches/

I will fix as suggested.

>s5.1, para 5: s/each used certificate matches/each certificate used

I will fix as suggested.

>registry/takes over the IANA registry from RFC 4572/

I suggest:

 "This specification takes over the IANA registry named "Hash Function
 Textual Names², that was created in RFC 4572.  It will not be part of
 the SDP Parameters.²

Regards,

Christer