Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Telechat Call review of draft-mm-wg-effect-encrypt-10

From: Meral Shirazipour <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 13 Apr 2017 05:28:14 +0000

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a new version of the draft.

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Document: draft-mm-wg-effect-encrypt-10
Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour
Review Date: 2017-04-12
IETF LC End Date: 2017-03-13
IESG Telechat date: 2017-04-13

Summary: This draft is ready to be published as Informational RFC but I have come comments.

Major issues:
Minor issues:
Nits/editorial comments:
-[Page 5], it would be good to give a reference after “Following the Snowden revelations”.
-[Page 6], “the new network?s”—->”the new network’s “
-[Page 7], “for today?s”--->for today’s”
-[Page 9], “pervassive”--->”perversive”
-[Page 10], “proividers”--->“providers”
-Section 2, some use cases in subsections of section 2 refer to mobile network scenario. Are they only applicable in mobile networks? e.g. HTTP redirect.
-Section 2.6.2 should maybe be renamed to “zero rating”.
-[Page 18], “acheive”--->”achieve”

-general:
-> text uses “middle box” and “middlebox”. Please use middlebox.
->please spell out acronyms at first use

Best Regards,
Meral
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Meral Shirazipour
Ericsson Research
www.ericsson.com