Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-opsawg-sdi-02.txt

From: Francis Dupont <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 18 Feb 2020 16:02:05 +0100

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

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Document: draft-ietf-opsawg-sdi-02.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 20200212
IETF LC End Date: 20200218
IESG Telechat date: unknown

Summary: Almost Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: crypto use details are missing. IMHO it is a problem of
presentation, I propose:
 - make only requirements in the first/normative part
 - put all details in the appendix/demo part

Nits/editorial comments:
  - ToC page 2 and 8 page 11: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments

  - 2 page 4: there are two kinds of certificates so I suggest at the
   first occurrence to put "public key certificate".

  - 2 page 5, 2.2 page 5, 4.2 page 6, 5.3 page 10, 7 page 11: e.g -> e.g.,

  - 3.1 page 5: as an example of something which could be specified but
   IMHO should not be: the certificate has (extended) key usages and
   other policy parameters.

  - 4.2 page 6: in "The operator will then encrypt the
   initial configuration to the key in the certifcate"
    * the "to" seems a bit strange to me (I expected "with" but I am
      not a native English speaker)
    * public key crypto does not provide a way to directly encrypt
      a large amount of data. IMHO it is not a real problem: just
      require the key is used to protect the initial configuration
    * it will be fine to have a bit more than confidentiality, for
      instance to protect integrity or at least the data length.
    Last both points are handled by SMIME so again it is only a
    presentation problem.

  - 4.3 page 7: Add that DHCP option 66 is TFTP server name and
    option 150 is TFTP server address.

  - 5.1 page 10: I've checked (googled it) the TPM abbrev and it seems
    the common usage in the context is the expected one (BTW it is
    not in the RFC editor abbrev table).

  - B.1.1 page 13: IMHO it is a good diea to give the OpenSSL command
    line (OpenSSL man pages are more than cryptic :-).

  - B.2.2 page 14: I support the choice of S/MIME: it does the job
    (including length check) and it is commonly available.
    Of course there should be better ways but it is clearly far
    better than a home made solution. BTW as it is encoded ASN.1 it
    is trivial to recognize (i.e., no ambiguity with ASCII text).

 - B.3 page 15: then then -> then
      
Regards

[email-masked]

PS: I removed spelling errors which were fixed in version 03.

---

From: "Joe Clarke (jclarke)" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 18 Feb 2020 16:03:59 +0000

Thank you for your review, Francis.  This was helpful.  I think it will add additional clarity.

Joe

> On Feb 18, 2020, at 10:02, Francis Dupont <[email-masked]> wrote:
>