Subject: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-cellar-ffv1-16

From: Joel Halpern via Datatracker <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 13 Jul 2020 21:17:53 -0700

Reviewer: Joel Halpern
Review result: Ready

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

<https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Document: draft-ietf-cellar-ffv1-16
Reviewer: Joel Halpern
Review Date: 2020-07-13
IETF LC End Date: 2020-07-16
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: This document appears to be ready for publication as an Informational
RFC.

*I would have raised question about the intended status, but it appears that
this is an established IETF convention and I see no reason to argue.)

Major issues:

Minor issues:
    Section 3.4 (Context) introduces the notation Q_{#}[ subscript }.  As that
    is the first reference to Q_{#}, it is rather confusing to the reader.  I
    grant that the term is defined in the next section (3.5).  Couldn't they be
    reversed?

    Section 3.8.1.1 refers to C(i), C_{i}, and C_i.  Are these all the same
    thing.

    Section 3.8.1.2 refers to get-rac (which is treated as a function in the
    pseudo-code) as being the process described in section 3.8.1.1.  The text
    in 3.8.1.1 does not call out any of its computed values as an explicit
    result or return.  While I would guess that the intention is to use the
    byte stream (B()), the text does not actually say that.  If that is the
    intention, could the last line of 3.8.1.1 be "get_rac() returns sequential
    bytes from the Byte Stream (B()) as computed by the computation described
    in section 3.8.1.1"?

Nits/editorial comments:

---

From: Spencer Dawkins at IETF <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 16 Jul 2020 10:17:32 -0500

Hi, Joel,

>     bytes from the Byte Stream (B()) as computed by the computation

Thanks for the review! We'll work through these comments.

Best,

Spencer