Subject: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-core-yang-cbor-15

From: Peter Yee via Datatracker <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 20 Mar 2021 18:15:17 -0700

Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review result: Ready with Nits

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Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

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Document: draft-ietf-core-yang-cbor-15
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 2021-03-20
IETF LC End Date: 2021-03-17
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: This seems like a straightforward encoding specification draft. While
I did not check to see that the example encodings were correct, they appeared
logical to the eye. Really, the only thing I have to offer is a small set of
nits that mildly improve the readability of the document. [Ready with nits]

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments:

General:

Ensure that “i.e.” is followed by a comma.

Specific:

Page 4, “child” term: insert “or” before “an action output”.

Page 4, “item” term: append a comma after submodule.

Page 5, section 3, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after “input”.
Change the first “and” to “or” (before “action output”).

Page 5, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: consider inserting “a” before
“SID”. Append a comma after “nodes”. Change the “and” to “or”.

Page 5, section 3, 5th paragraph, 1st sentence: change “and” to “or”.

Page 5, section 3, 6th paragraph, 1st sentence: change the first “node” to
“nodes”. Append a comma after “name”.

Page 8, section 3.2, 6th bullet item: append a comma after “submodules”.

Page 8, section 3.3, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “string” to “strings”.
Change “as” after “similar” to “to”.

Page 8, section 3.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “to SIDs” to “with
SID”.

Page 11, section 4.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: consider aligning the
capitalization and pluralization of terms in this sentence with the usage in
the Abstract. Append a comma after “inputs” (or “input” if you change this
sentence to match the Abstract).

Page 22, 1st paragraph following the bullet items, 2nd sentence: change comma
after to either a period or a semicolon.

Page 26, section 5.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the comma to a
semicolon. Insert “to” before “the CBOR”.

Page 27, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the comma to a
semicolon. Insert “to” before “the CBOR”.

Page 29, 1st paragraph: change “a” before “’mtu’” to “an”.

Page 35, section 6.10: delete the comma after “identityref”. Insert “as” before
both “a YANG Schema” and “a name”.

Page 35, section 6.10.1, 2nd sentence: consider changing “as” to “used for”.

Page 36, section 6.11, 2nd paragraph: change “a” to “an” before “’is-router’”.

Page 37, section 6.12, 2nd paragraph following the bullet items: insert “a”
before “CBOR”.

Page 39, 3rd paragraph: would it make more sense to change “Schema nodes
member” to “Schema node members”?

Page 39, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “top”. Change
“follow” to “followed”.

Page 41, section 6.13.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: I believe “analogous”
makes more sense than “analogical” in this sentence:

Page 43, section 8, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “of” to “to”.