Subject: [Geopriv] Review comments to common-policy-06

From: Aki Niemi <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 13 Feb 2006 11:18:29 +0200

All,

I made a pretty thorough review of the -06 version of common-policy.
Overall, I'm pleased to say that the draft is really shaping up and
looking good to go. Most of my comments below are word smithing and
clarifications. There is one bigger issue, but I'll post that separately.

Cheers,
Aki

---

- Author's list: there are over 5 authors; suggest picking the 1-2 top
contributors of text, tag them as Editors and dump the rest in a
contributors section.

- In abstract: s/controling/controlling

- Introduction: add space between "in" and "Figure 1"

- Terminology: definition of WR has an extra "be" in 2nd sentence

- Chapter 3: last sentence of 1st para, "transformation policies" is an 
unknown term

- Chaptter 3.1: lists several protocol acronyms, references missing.

- Chapter 5: says wildcard matching is a non-goal, but the 
<identity><many /></identity> is effectively wildcard matching. Perhaps 
just stick to regexps being a non-goal.

- Chapter 5: says no all-except conditions. Again, the 
<identity><many><except id="alice@example"/></many></identity> is 
exactly that. I suggest removing this as non-goal.

- Chapter 6: 3rd para says that "time of day" can be a variable in the 
conditions. But since there is no repeat times, this is a little 
confusing. Suggest chaning to "date and time".

- Chapter 6: A paragraph explaining how different conditions relate to 
each other might be helpfyl; essentialy saying that conditions are a 
logical AND-of-ORs construct.

- Chapter 6: end of 4th para has a SHOULD, but does not explain when it 
is allowed to not deliver an intersection of the granted premissions. 
Suggest adding that, or changing to a MUST.

- Chapter 7.1.3: first time mentions the <except> element, should it be 
explained somewhere earlier?

- Chapter 7.1.3: i found the discussion of 'single-user' confusing. 
First of all, it is in angle brackets in the 2nd para, which makes it 
look like an XML element. Second, there's really only a few instances in 
the text where this is used in place of <one> and <except>, so those 
could be used instead.

- Heading of Ch. 7.1.4.1: s/Entity/Identity

- Heading of Ch. 7.1.4.2 and 7.1.4.3: add "Authenticated" before Identity.

- Chapter 7.2: around line 9 (...causes to switch...): s/to/a

- Chapter 7.2: third example rule: s/doe.com/doe.example.com

- End of Chapter 7.2: add explanatory text about the last example 
([email-masked]) as well.

- Chapter 10.1: 2nd para around line 4, sentence "An attribute has a 
name, has a certain data tyoe", s/has/and?

- Towards the end of 10.2: s/logical Or/logical OR

- End of 10.2: lonely "More" at the end

That's it!

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---

From: "Tschofenig, Hannes" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 12:44:47 +0100

hi aki, 

> contributors of text, tag them as Editors and dump the rest in a

i let the chairs fix this aspect. 

> - In abstract: s/controling/controlling
fixed. 

> - Introduction: add space between "in" and "Figure 1"
fixed. 

> - Terminology: definition of WR has an extra "be" in 2nd sentence
fixed. 

> - Chapter 3: last sentence of 1st para, "transformation 

they were introduced in the terminology section. 

> - Chaptter 3.1: lists several protocol acronyms, references missing.

they are not crutual for the document. hence, we omitted them. 

> just stick to regexps being a non-goal.

that's fine. 
fixed. 

> exactly that. I suggest removing this as non-goal.

that's unfortuntely an outcome of the discussions we had for a couple of
years. 

> confusing. Suggest chaning to "date and time".

i added some text but i am not sure whether it addresses all your needs.

> logical AND-of-ORs construct.

instead of adding the AND-OR description into chapter 6 we have added it
to section 7 where we have the righer semantic from the context of the
specific elements. 

> Suggest adding that, or changing to a MUST.

fixed. 

> explained somewhere earlier?

i couldn't see a good place where to describe it earlier. 

> the text where this is used in place of <one> and <except>, so those 

i kept the 'single-user' but changed the text a bit. 

> - Heading of Ch. 7.1.4.1: s/Entity/Identity
fixed. 

> - Heading of Ch. 7.1.4.2 and 7.1.4.3: add "Authenticated" 

fixed. 

> - Chapter 7.2: around line 9 (...causes to switch...): s/to/a
fixed. 

> - Chapter 7.2: third example rule: s/doe.com/doe.example.com
fixed. 

> - End of Chapter 7.2: add explanatory text about the last example 

done 

> name, has a certain data tyoe", s/has/and?
fixed. 

> - Towards the end of 10.2: s/logical Or/logical OR

fixed.

> - End of 10.2: lonely "More" at the end
fixed. 

> That's it!

thanks a lot for your quick response. 

ciao
hannes