Subject: Remove all your wrinkles in 3 hours

From: Maggie <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 22 Jun 2016 07:10:17 -0700

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It doesnt matter Its just an issue of degree
Theres a reason why legendary monkeytician Charles Dar and his istant Jeje pronounced heyhey Santiago deduced that humans and chimps were evolutionary cousins As sophisticated as we are compare our advanced sewage treatment plants to the chimps primitive technique of hurling the feces with their bare hands the inescapable truth is we are just as limited by our mental ware
The primary difference is that monkeys are happy to stay in small groups and rarely interact with others outside their monkey gang This is why they rarely go to war though when they do it is widely thought to be hilarious Humans however require cars and oil and quality manufactured goods by the fine folks at M and Japanese video games and worldwide internets and most importantly governments All of these things take groups larger than people to maintain effectively Thus we routinely find ourselves functioning in bunches larger than our primate brains are able to cope with
This is where the problems begin Like a fragile human pyramid we are simultaneously supporting and resenting each other We bitch out loud about our soulsucking job as an anonymous face on an embly line while at the exact same time riding in a car that only an embly line could have produced Its a constant contradiction that has left us pissed off and joining informal wrestling clubs in basements
This is why I think it was with a great burden of sadness that Dar turned to his istant and lamented Jejewerethe monkeys
Oh no you didnt

If you think about it our entire society has evolved around the limitations ofthe Monkeysphere There is a reason why all of the really phat nations with the biggest SUVs with the shiniest inch rims all have some kind of representative democracy where you vote for people to do the governing for you and all of them are to some degree capitalist where people actually get to buy property and keep some of what they earn
A representative democracy allows a small group of people to make all of the decisions while letting us common people feel like were doing something by going to a polling place every couple of years and pulling a lever that in reality has about the same effect as the darkness knob on your toaster We can simultaneously feel likewerein charge while being contained enough that we cant cause any real monkey mayhem once we fly into one of our screeching armflapping monkey frenzies A woman showed her boob at the Super Bowl We want a boob and football ban immediately
Conversely some people in the distant past naively thought they could sit all of the s of monkeys down and say Okay everybody go pick the bananas then bring them here and well distribute them with a complex formula determining banana need Now go gather bananas for the good of society For the monkeys it was a confused comical treehumping disaster
Later a far more realistic man sat the monkeys down and said You want bananas Each of you go get your own Im taking a nap That man of course was German philosopher Hans Capitalism
As long as everybody gets their own bananas and shares with the few intheir Monkeysphere the system will thriveeven though nobody is even trying to make the system thrive This is perhaps how Ayn Rand would have put it had she not been such a hateful bitch
Then some time in the Third Century French philosopher Pierre Frenchy LaFrench invented
This was a way of simplifying the toocomplexformonkeys world by imagining all people of a certain race as beingthe same person thinking they all have the same attitudes and mannerisms and tastes in food and clothes and music It sort of works as long as we think of that person as being agoodperson Those Asians are so working and precise and wellmannered but when we start seeing them as being one giant gaping hole the French ironically our monkey happiness again breaks down
Its not all the Frenchs fault The truth is all of these monkey management schemes only go so far For instance todayone in four Americans has some kind of mental illness usually depression One infour Watch a basketball game The odds are at least two of those people on the floor are mentally ill Look around your house if everybody else there seems okayits you
Is it any surprise You turn on the news and see a whole special on the Obesity Epidemic Youve had this worry laid on your shoulders abouts of other people eating too muchWhat exactly are you supposed to do about the eating habits of people you dont even know Youve taken on the porkladen burden of all these peopleoutside the Monkeysphereand you now carry that useless of worry like you know some kind of animal on your back
First train yourself to get suspicious every time you see simplicity Any claim that the root of a problem is simple should be treated the same as a claim that the root of a problem is Bigfoot Simplicity and Bigfoot are found in the real world with about the same frequency

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