Subject: [Isms] Comments for tmsm-15 and transport-security-model-10

From: <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 27 Nov 2008 12:38:54 +0200

I know these comments are a bit late, but anyway... some suggestions
for clarifications and editorial nits:

transport-security-model-10:

- Section 3: This section should say in the beginning that Sections
3...3.2.4. are duplicated from tmsm-15 Section 5 for convenience.
(And add a note to the RFC Editor to keep the wording exactly the same
in these documents.)

- Appendix A: "sampleUser" is "our name for the recipient"
(our==notification originator's), and that's used for VACM.

Since it's quite unlikely (although not impossible) that this same
string works as the SSH user name ("the recipient's/SSH server's name
for us"), the example would be much easier to understand if it used
the "user@address" syntax for transportAddress. Perhaps securityName 
"alice" and transportAddress "[email-masked]:PPP"?

- Appendix A: should use IANA-assigned port for SSHTM instead of 162.

- Appendix A: should "snmpTargetAddrTAddress" be marked with "*"? 
  (since its contents are transport model specific)

draft-ietf-isms-tmsm-15:

- Section 1.3: expand acronym "ASI" when first mentioned

- Section 3.2.2.1: The first two paragraphs read OK, but after that,
the reader will be completely lost.  We need some text introducing the
concept of tmSecurityName, and explaining what it is, and its
relationship to securityName.

- Section 4: There's something very confusing in these two paragraphs.
Would something like this be clearer?

   RFC3411 section 4.6.1 and 4.6.2 provide scenario diagrams to
   illustrate how an outgoing message is created, and how an incoming
   message is processed.  However, RFC3411 does not define ASIs for
   the "Send SNMP Request Message to Network", Receive SNMP Response
   Message from Network", "Receive SNMP Message from Network", or
   "Send SNMP message to Network" arrows in these diagrams.

   This document defines two ASIs corresponding to these arrows: a
   sendMessage ASI to send SNMP messages to the network, and a
   receiveMessage ASI to receive SNMP messages from the network.
   These ASIs are used for all SNMP messages, regardless of pduType.

- Sections 5.2: perhaps add something like "The details of these
fields are described in the following subsections." to the end?

- Sections 5 and 7: the term "LCD" is mentioned only twice in the whole
document, and neither reference explains what it is (or even expands
the acronym). Could we just remove all references to LCD from this
draft?

- Section 8 references RFC2434, but it's been obsoleted by RFC 5226,
and it's not listed as a normative reference.

Best regards,
Pasi
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