Subject: [Last-Call] Intdir telechat review of draft-ietf-alto-cdni-request-routing-alto-17

From: Donald Eastlake via Datatracker <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 26 Nov 2021 18:19:13 -0800

Reviewer: Donald Eastlake
Review result: Ready with Issues

I am an assigned INT directorate reviewer for
draft-ietf-alto-cdni-request-routing-alto-17. These comments were written
primarily for the benefit of the Internet Area Directors. Document editors and
shepherd should treat these comments just like they would treat comments from
any other IETF contributors and resolve them along with any other Last Call
comments that have been received. For more details on the INT Directorate, see
https://datatracker.ietf.org/group/intdir/about/.

Based on my review, if I was on the IESG I would ballot this document as NO
OBJECTION.

The following are issues I found with this document that SHOULD be corrected
before publication and some comments:

   I am not particularly familiar with the technology in this draft os I may
   have missed things.

   Abstract: I believe it should say "the exact protocol is not specified"
   adding "not".

   Section 3.7.1: The second paragraph of this section is one very long
   sentence that I found confusing and which may be inconsistent. Perhaps a
   structured list would be better than simple text.

   Section 6.1.1.2: Seems a bit imprecise. I suggest adding at the end "as a
   decimal number without leading zeros".

   I was favorably impressed by the relatively complete information included
   for the Authors in the Authors' Addresses Section. I wish more drafts did
   this.

The following are minor issues (typos, misspelling, minor text improvements)
with the document:

   PID should be expanded on first use. Although, as far as I can see, other
   acronyms are appropriately expanded on first use. the document might benefit
   from a terminology section (maybe 1.1 or 2.3) as not everyone may read the
   document sequentially and remember all the expansions.

   Section 2.2, 2nd *'ed paragraph, "ALTO maps can be signed" adding "be".

   Section 3.6: I don't think the following text is needed and it could be
   deleted. It merely expresses the default that later IETF documents can
   modify earlier IETF documents.
                                                 There may be other
      documents extending BaseAdvertisementObject and additional CDNI
      capabilities.  They are outside the scope of this document.  To
      support them, future documents can extend the specification defined
      in this document.

   Section 3.7.1:  /// -> //

   Section 6.2.1: "to define" -> "defining"

   Section 10: It is common to include the same information for Contributors as
   is included for Authors in the Authors' Addresses section but that has not
   been done.

   There are a few addition suggestions that I will send directly to the
   authors.

   Really trivial: when you have
     "xyz": stuff
for various values of xyz and stuff, there is no consistency in whether or not
there is a space before the colon.

---

From: Jensen Zhang <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2021 21:48:37 +0800

Hi Donald,

Many thanks for your review. Please see my responses inline.

Thanks,
Jensen

>    Abstract: I believe it should say "the exact protocol is not specified"

Thanks for the catch. We will fix it.

>    structured list would be better than simple text.

Good suggestion. How about the following restructure:

OLD:

   Specifically, the IRD announces two network maps, one CDNI
   Advertisement resource without dependency, one CDNI Advertisement
   resource depending on a network map, one filtered CDNI Advertisement
   resource to be defined in Section 5, one property map including
   "cdni-capabilities" as its entity property, one filtered property map
   including "cdni-capabilities" and "pid" as its entity properties, and
   two update stream services (one for updating CDNI Advertisement
   resources, and the other for updating property maps).

NEW:

   Specifically, the IRD announces nine information resources as follows:

   * two network maps
   * one CDNI Advertisement resource without dependency
   * one CDNI Advertisement resource depending on a network map
   * one filtered CDNI Advertisement resource to be defined in Section 5
   * one property map including "cdni-capabilities" as its entity property
   * one filtered property map including "cdni-capabilities" and "pid" as
its entity properties
   * two update stream services
      + one for updating CDNI Advertisement resources
      + one for updating property maps

>    decimal number without leading zeros".

Very good suggestion. We will add it.

>    for the Authors in the Authors' Addresses Section. I wish more drafts

Thanks ;)

>    document sequentially and remember all the expansions.

Reasonable suggestion. We will add such a section in the coming revision
soon.

>    Section 2.2, 2nd *'ed paragraph, "ALTO maps can be signed" adding "be".

Thanks for the catch.

>       support them, future documents can extend the specification defined

Agree.

>    Section 6.2.1: "to define" -> "defining"

Thanks. Will fix.

>    is included for Authors in the Authors' Addresses section but that has

Good catch. We will definitely fix this issue. We were using
kramdown-rfc2629, which seems not to support the Contributors section yet.
But it should work by embedding XML manually.

> there is a space before the colon.

Ha, you are right. We will fix this trivial issue.

>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> alto mailing list
> [email-masked]
> https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/alto
>

---

From: "Eric Vyncke (evyncke)" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2021 15:20:56 +0000

Thank you Donald,

I just balloted a NO OBJECTION notably based on your Int-dir review.

Regards

-éric

On 27/11/2021, 03:19, "Int-dir on behalf of Donald Eastlake via Datatracker" <[email-masked] on behalf of [email-masked]> wrote:

       Section 3.7.1:  /// -> //

    _______________________________________________
    Int-dir mailing list
    [email-masked]
    https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/int-dir

---

From: Donald Eastlake <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2021 22:47:16 -0500

Hi Jensen,

Thanks for your agreeable response. I'm happy with your re-wording of
the second paragraph of Section 3.7.1. Assuming the draft is changed
as described in your response, I consider all my comments to have been
resolved.

Donald
===============================
 Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
 2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
 [email-masked]

On Tue, Nov 30, 2021 at 8:48 AM Jensen Zhang <[email-masked]> wrote:
> On Sat, Nov 27, 2021 at 10:19 AM Donald Eastlake via Datatracker <[email-masked]> wrote:
>>
>    * one filtered property map including "cdni-capabilities" and "pid" as its entity properties
> Reasonable suggestion. We will add such a section in the coming revision soon.
>
>>
>>
> Good catch. We will definitely fix this issue. We were using kramdown-rfc2629, which seems not to support the Contributors section yet. But it should work by embedding XML manually.
>
>>