Subject: park-6dnar-01 comments

From: Pekka Savola <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 16 Mar 2003 14:20:12 +0200 (EET)

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Hi,

The draft park-6dnar-01 is on the agenda for comments, so I thought I'd 
take a look. Btw, the URL is wrong, I don't know which is supposed to be 
correct:

   6DNAR                                        Soohong Daniel Park  5 min
       http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-jeong-hmipv6-dns-optimization-00.txt

Two issues:
 1) there are like 2-3 similar mechanisms already.  What I want is each 
proposal compare the drafts, or start from scratch process-wise (problem 
scoping, etc.etc.).

 2) the editioal quality is on the fringe of unreadable, so stopped after 
two sections :-(

editos in those below.

...
  Internet-Drafts are working documents of the Internet Engineering 
  Task Force (IETF), its areas, and its working groups.  Note that 
  other groups may also distribute working documents as Internet- 
  Drafts. 

==> take the typical boilerplate, empty lines missing etc.?

  Neighbor Discovery Protocol [2461] will be used. Moreover, 6DNAR 
  don't change any existing DNS system.
==> s/do/does/
   
  13.    Author' address 
==> s/Author'/Author's/

  Park                   Expires September, 2003               [Page 1]
==> pages are too long and formatted inproperly;
the maximum is 58 lines, recommendation 55.
                                                       
  1. Introduction 
  
  Todays most networks use DNS[1034][1035] for convenience. 
==> s/Todays/Today's/
  In case of IPv6, DNS is more important element because of IPv6 long 
  addresses which are difficult to remember. In addition, small
==> reword "IPv6 long addresses"
  networks like home networks using IPv6, should be able to make 
  network easily without manual configuration and required systems such
==> s/networks like/networks, like/
==> reword "make network easily"
  as DNS server or DHCP server and so on. This document discusses 
  IPv6 Domain Name Auto-Registration(6DNAR) procedure for registering
==> s/(/ (/
  the Domain Name and IPv6 addresses with the DNS Server automatically.
  In order to use 6DNAR, there should be a minumun functions 
  implemented on 6DNAR node and server easily. Additionally, 6DNAR 
==> reword "minumum (sic) functions implemented on 6DNAR node and server
easily"
                               6DNAR can be applied to defined IPv6 
  addresses, Site-local and Global address not Link-local address. 
==> reword all of it
  
  Whenever DAD is performed, 6DNAR uses Neighbor Discovery Protocol 
  [2461] with new additions(defined in section 4.1 and 6) for 
==> s/(/ (/
   
  Note that the generation of unique Domain Name will be discussed
  on another document.
==> s/on/in/  
  
  2. Terminology 
   
  NS            - Neighbor Solicitation message (is defined [2461]) 
==> s/is defined //g

  "D" flag      - D flag is defined newly for acknowledgement of 
                  duplicate Domain Name (temporarily defined) 
==> reword around "newly".
  
  6DNAR server  - An 6DNAR node that can registrate Domain Name and 
==> s/An/A/

-- 
Pekka Savola                 "You each name yourselves king, yet the
Netcore Oy                    kingdom bleeds."
Systems. Networks. Security. -- George R.R. Martin: A Clash of Kings

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