Subject: [netconf] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-netconf-sztp-csr-12: (with COMMENT)

From: Lars Eggert via Datatracker <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2021 05:49:56 -0800

Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-netconf-sztp-csr-12: No Objection

When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all
email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this
introductory paragraph, however.)

Please refer to https://www.ietf.org/blog/handling-iesg-ballot-positions/
for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions.

The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here:
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-netconf-sztp-csr/

----------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENT:
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Reference [I-D.ietf-netconf-crypto-types] from this Proposed Standard to
draft-ietf-netconf-crypto-types of unknown standards level. That should be
fixed in the datatracker for draft-ietf-netconf-crypto-types...

Document still refers to the "Simplified BSD License", which was corrected in
the TLP on September 21, 2021. It should instead refer to the "Revised BSD
License".

Thanks to Meral Shirazipour for their General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review
(https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/4XKQuQMRJ3xEca_Le-NpYcF-RYI).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to
address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there
will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you
did with these suggestions.

Section 4.1.1. , paragraph 5, nit:
-    private key and associated identity certificates and reexecution of
+    private key and associated identity certificates and re-execution of
+                                                           +

Section 2.1. , paragraph 5, nit:
> ver that it supports the ability the generate CSRs. This parameter conveys if
>                                  ^^^^^^^^^^^^
After "the", the verb "generate" doesn't fit. Is "generate" spelled correctly?
If "generate" is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between
the two words. Using the verb "generate" as a noun may be non-standard.

Section 2.1. , paragraph 5, nit:
>  the SZTP-client is able to generate an new asymmetric key and, if so, which
>                                      ^^
Use "a" instead of "an" if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound,
e.g. "a sentence", "a university".

Section 3.2. , paragraph 20, nit:
>  the TaggedCertificationRequest and it a bodyPartId and the certificateReque
>                                     ^^^^
A verb may be missing between "it" and "a", or a word may be misspelled.

Section 3.2. , paragraph 20, nit:
>  the TaggedCertificationRequest and it a bodyPartId and the certificateReque
>                                     ^^^^
A verb may be missing between "it" and "a", or a word may be misspelled.

Section 3.2. , paragraph 21, nit:
>  the TaggedCertificationRequest and it a bodyPartId and the certificateReque
>                                     ^^^^
A verb may be missing between "it" and "a", or a word may be misspelled.

Section 4.1.5. , paragraph 7, nit:
> in Wu. Contributors Special thanks goes to David von Oheimb and Hendrik Broc
>                                    ^^^^
It seems that the correct verb form here is "go".

Document references draft-ietf-netmod-factory-default, but that has been
published as RFC8808.

Document references draft-ietf-netconf-keystore-22, but -23 is the latest
available revision.

Document references draft-ietf-netconf-trust-anchors-15, but -16 is the latest
available revision.

These URLs point to tools.ietf.org, which is being deprecated:
 * http://tools.ietf.org/wg/netconf

These URLs in the document did not return content:
 * http://standards.ieee.org/findstds/standard/802.1AR-2018.html

---

From: Kent Watsen <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 17 Dec 2021 16:19:24 +0000

Hi Lars,

Thank you for your review.  Below are responses to your comments.

Diffs can be found here: GitHub link <https://github.com/netconf-wg/sztp-csr/commit/4036fb5110b45fe9e3f1e4067ba54d7637ee48b4>.   [some diffs are found in the TBD-commit for Ben’s review]

Kent (and Sean and Russ)

> On Dec 16, 2021, at 8:49 AM, Lars Eggert via Datatracker <[email-masked]> wrote:
> 

Silly chairs ;)  (Fixed)

> the TLP on September 21, 2021. It should instead refer to the "Revised BSD

I didn’t know that, thanks for the update.  (Fixed)

> (https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/4XKQuQMRJ3xEca_Le-NpYcF-RYI).

Indeed.  Thanks to all who help publish these documents!  :)

Fixed.

> the two words. Using the verb "generate" as a noun may be non-standard.

Fixed (now says "the ability to”)

> e.g. "a sentence", "a university".

Fixed (now says “a new”)

> A verb may be missing between "it" and "a", or a word may be misspelled.

Fixed (now says “and it is the”)  [from Ben’s review]

> A verb may be missing between "it" and "a", or a word may be misspelled.

Fixed (now says “and it is the”)  [from Ben’s review]

> A verb may be missing between "it" and "a", or a word may be misspelled.

Fixed (now says “and it is the”)  [from Ben’s review]

> It seems that the correct verb form here is "go".

Fixed.

> Document references draft-ietf-netmod-factory-default, but that has been

Fixed.

> Document references draft-ietf-netconf-keystore-22, but -23 is the latest

Ignored (both are works in progress)

> Document references draft-ietf-netconf-trust-anchors-15, but -16 is the latest

Ignored (both are works in progress)

> * http://tools.ietf.org/wg/netconf

Fixed! (Now both YANG modules point to "https://datatracker.ietf.org/wg/netconf”)

> * http://standards.ieee.org/findstds/standard/802.1AR-2018.html

Fixed! (URL now "https://standards.ieee.org/standard/802_1AR-2018.html <https://standards.ieee.org/standard/802_1AR-2018.html>"

Thanks again!
K.