Subject: [netlmm] FW: Editorial comments on draft-sgundave-mip6-proxymip6-02.txt

From: "Sri Gundavelli" <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 12:11:20 -0700

FYI. 
 
Will be fixed in -01 version.  Thanks Scott.
 
Regards
Sri

  _____  

From: Droste Scott-QA3599 [mailto:[email-masked]] 
Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2007 8:24 AM
To: [email-masked]
Subject: Editorial comments on draft-sgundave-mip6-proxymip6-02.txt

Sri,

I was reviewing your Internet-draft titled, "Proxy Mobile IPv6
draft-sgundave-mip6-proxymip6-02.txt" dated March 5, 2007 and had a couple
of minor editorial comments.

Since I'm not familiar with the official process/means for registering
comments, I'm providing them to you for your consideration.

As you will see, the comments are editorial in nature and you can handle
them as you see fit - no need to contact me concerning the resolution.

I would like to thank you and the other contributors for this important
piece of work.  The draft was well written and enjoyable to read.

Best regards,

Scott Droste

Motorola

[email-masked]

Comments on , "Proxy Mobile IPv6 draft-sgundave-mip6-proxymip6-02.txt" dated
March 5, 2007

Section 3 (Proxy Mobile IPv6 Protocol Overview)

Page 8.

Current Text:

"The mobile access gatway would have all the information for it to emulate
the mobile node's home network on the access link."

Suggested Change:  correct spelling of "gateway"

Page 9.

Current Text:

"Upon accepting the Proxy Binding Update request, the mobile access gateway
sends a Proxy Binding Acknowledgment message to the mobile access gateway.
It also sets up a route to the mobile node's home network prefix over the
tunnel and sends Proxy Binding Acknowledgment message to the mobile access
gateway."

Suggested Change:  These two sentences were a bit confusing to me, since I
am not an expert in this area.  If I have followed the logic presented in
the draft, it may be more correct to modify the first sentence as follows:

First sentence:  "Upon accepting the Proxy Binding Update request, the local
mobility anchor sends a Proxy Binding Acknowledgment message to the mobile
access gateway."

Again, since I'm not an expert in this area, I'm not sure how to correct the
second sentence; but I'm sure that upon reading this, you will find the
correct phrasing.

Section 5.5 (Sequence Number and Time-Stamps for Message Ordering)

Page 17.

Current Text: "It creates certain ambiguity and the local mobility anchor
will not be predictably order the messages."

Suggested Change:  Remove the word "be" or change to "will not be
predictably ordering"

Section 5.6. (IPv4 Home Address Mobility Support)

Page 18.

Current Text:  "The mobile access on the access link where mobile

node is attached, will register this address with the local mobility

anchor using the IPv4 Home Address option, defined in Section 3.1.1,

DSMIP6 draft [draft-ietf-mip6-nemo-v4traversal-03.txt]."

Suggested Change:  "The mobile access gateway on the access link where the
mobile node is attached, ."  

(Added the word "gateway" after "mobile access" and the word "the" before
"mobile node".) 

Section 6.5. (Link-Local and Global Address Uniqueness)

Page 25.

Current Text:  "possibility of the link-local address collision on the
connected access link, One of the work around for this issue to the set
following flag ."

Suggested Change:  "possibility of the link-local address collision on the
connected access link. One of the work arounds for this issue is to the set
following flag."

(changed the comma after "access link" to period, changed "work around" to
"work arounds" and "this issue to" to "this issue is to".)

End of comments

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