Subject: [OPSAWG] Barry Leiba's No Objection on draft-ietf-opsawg-sdi-10: (with COMMENT)

From: Barry Leiba via Datatracker <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 19 May 2020 21:27:15 -0700

Barry Leiba has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-opsawg-sdi-10: No Objection

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COMMENT:
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Just a nitty load of nits nitting about:

— Section 1 —

   Internet Exchange Points (IXP) or "carrier neutral

Nit: hyphenate “carrier-neutral”,

   vendor proprietary) protocols to perform initial device installs

Nit: hyphenate “vendor-proprietary” (or just drop “vendor”).

   use DHCP [RFC2131]to get an IP address

Nit: add a space after the citation.

   security related and/or proprietary information

Nit: hyphenate “security-related”.

   (or using an auto-
   install techniques which fetch an unencrypted config file

Nit: remove “an”.

   perform the initial configuration work; this costs, time and money.

Nit: remove the comma.

   configure the devices before shipping it;

Nit: “device” (or “them”).

   optimized for simplicity, both for the implementor and the operator;

Nit: make it “for both” (or repeat “for” before “the operator”).

   is it intended to solve all use-cases

Nit: do not hyphenate “use cases”.

   Solutions such as Secure Zero Touch Provisioning (SZTP)" [RFC8572],

Nit: there’s an unpaired quotation mark.

— Section 2 —

   the devices serial number, MAC address or similar.

Nit: Make it “device’s” (possessive).

   extends this (vendor specific) paradigm

Nit: hyphenate “vendor-specific”.

— Section 2.1 —

   When the device arrives at the POP, it gets installed in Operator_A'

   autoboot state, and begins the DHCP process.  Operator_A' DHCP server

Nit: “Operator_A’s” in both places.

— Section 3.1 —

   Each devices requires a public-private key keypair

Nit: “Each device”
Nit: you don’t need “key keypair”; I suggest “key pair”.

   (for example, extended key usage, extensions, etc.)

Nit: “for example” and “etc.” don’t go together; use one or the other.

— Section 4.3 —

   configurations fails, the device will either abort the auto-install
   process, or will repeat this process until it succeeds.

Nit: “configuration” (singular).
Nit: remove the second “will” (or make it “either will”).

— Section 5.2 —

   completely replace the initial device generated key

Nit: hyphenate “device-generated”.

   operators installed key.

Nit: “operator’s” (possessive).

— Section 5.3 —

   device management, whereby portions (or the entire) configuration

Nit: “portions of”

— Section 7 —

   third-party to copy and paste it over a serial terminal.

Nit: “them”, not “it” (the antecedent is plural).

   An attacker (e.g., a malicious datacenter employee) who has physical
   access to the device before it is connected to the network the
   attacker may be able to extract the device private key

Nit: remove “the attacker”.

   Even when using a secure bootstrapping mechanism, security conscious
   operators may wish to bootstrapping devices with a minimal / less
   sensitive config

Nit: hyphenate “security-conscious”.
Nit: “bootstrap” (no “ing”).
Nit: hyphenate “less-sensitive”.

---

From: Warren Kumari <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 20 May 2020 12:24:25 -0400

> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-opsawg-sdi/

Yikes, apologies for the number of nits - I feel that I usually have
cleaner drafts than this, and apologize for the amount of editorial
issues you had to note...

I'm submitting a new version (-11) with the below (as well as Roman's
and Murray's comments) addressed....

> Nit: hyphenate “carrier-neutral”,

DONE. Thank you.

> Nit: hyphenate “vendor-proprietary” (or just drop “vendor”).

DONE. Thank you.
> Nit: add a space after the citation.

DONE. Thank you.

> Nit: hyphenate “security-related”.

DONE. Thank you.

>    install techniques which fetch an unencrypted config file

NOT DONE.
I changed this to be:
"Exposing these to a third party to load onto a new device (or using
an auto-install technique which fetches an unencrypted configuration
file via..."

I assume that this addresses your concern, please let me know if not...

>    perform the initial configuration work; this costs, time and money.

DONE. Thank you. Not sure where the comma came from, but removed :-)

> Nit: “device” (or “them”).

DONE. Thank you.

> Nit: make it “for both” (or repeat “for” before “the operator”).

DONE. Thank you.

> Nit: do not hyphenate “use cases”.

DONE, thanks!

> Nit: there’s an unpaired quotation mark.

... not any more there isn't :-) DONE.
> Nit: Make it “device’s” (possessive).

Done!

> Nit: hyphenate “vendor-specific”.

DONE.

> Nit: “Operator_A’s” in both places.

DONE. Thank you.

> Nit: you don’t need “key keypair”; I suggest “key pair”.

DONE and DONE. Thank you.

> Nit: “for example” and “etc.” don’t go together; use one or the other.

Doh! DONE. Thank you.

> Nit: remove the second “will” (or make it “either will”).

DONE and DONE. Thank you.

> Nit: hyphenate “device-generated”.

DONE.

> Nit: “operator’s” (possessive).

DONE. Thank you.

>    device management, whereby portions (or the entire) configuration

DONE.

> Nit: “them”, not “it” (the antecedent is plural).

Whoops. DONE. Thank you.

> Nit: remove “the attacker”.

DONE. I wish it were always this easy :-)

> Nit: hyphenate “less-sensitive”.

DONE, DONE and DONE.

Thank you! These are addressed in commit 533160d
(https://github.com/wkumari/draft-wkumari-opsawg-sdi/commit/533160d8e294848f6ba0221f1983f11398ac2467
) and I'm cutting a new version now...

W

-- 
I don't think the execution is relevant when it was obviously a bad
idea in the first place.
This is like putting rabid weasels in your pants, and later expressing
regret at having chosen those particular rabid weasels and that pair
of pants.
   ---maf