Subject: Re: [Softwires] WG LC: http://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-softwire-dual-stack-lite-03

From: Jason Livingood <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 12 Feb 2010 16:25:15 -0500

> Overall, this document looks very good (and I look forward to trying it out in
> our production network soon!).
> 
> I have only minor style-related comments, which are probably somewhat pedantic
> in nature.  As such, feel free to consider and disregard anything raise in
> this message.
> 
> Regards
> Jason
> 
> 1  Adding leading caps to doc title:
            Current: Dual-stack lite broadband deployments post IPv4
exhaustion
            Suggested: Dual-Stack Lite Broadband Deployments Post IPv4
Exhaustion

        2  Consider modifying the title, as ³post...² sounds awkward
            Current: ....Post IPv4 Exhaustion
            Suggested: ...Following IPv4 Exhaustion

        3  Section 1: ³NAT² first appears in Section 1.  Recommend changing
to ³Network Address Translation (NAT)² on the first use of the acronym

        4  Section 1: change ³It has not happened.² to ³However, this has
not happened.²

        5  Section 4.1: Change ³...how the NATing function of the AFTR is
performed.² to ³how the NAT function of the AFTR is performed.²  (drop ³ing²
from NAT, otherwise NATing = Network Address Translationing)

        6  Section 4.2: Change ³This section describes home style
networks...² to ³This section describes home Local Area Networks...² OR
³This section describes home networks....²

        7  Section 4.3: Do you mean to pluralize ³hosts² in the following:
³...if an IPv4 home hosts decides to use...²

        8  Section 5.3, Paragraph 3: You are missing a space in:
³However,as...² --> ³However, as...²  Also, later in that same sentence, you
need to pluralize ³service provider² to ³service providers²

        9  Section 6.5: Change ³well-know² to ³well-known²

        10  Section 9: change ³feedbacks² to ³feedback² - unless you are
partial to fishes and peoples rather than fish and people.  ;-)     (I had
to make a joke someplace here!  I¹m playing all week, stop back soon
folks...)

        11  General, Section Titles: You sometimes have leading caps and
sometimes you do not.  I would suggest you select one or other other
approach and apply it uniformly throughout all of the section titles.  I
myself prefer leading caps, but your choice may differ.  In any case, have
either ³This Is Section One² and ³This is Section Two² or ³This is section
one² and ³This is section two² but NOT ³This Is Section One² and ³This is
section two²

        12  General: Dual-Stack Lite appears variously as ³Dual-Stack Lite²
and ³Dual-stack lite² and  probably in other forms.  As above, select one
format and apply it universally.  I am partial to ³Dual-Stack Lite² myself,
but this is your document.

        15  Section 15, Deployment Considerations: You may want to make
some statement about the ability to log or keep track of which users are
using which IP/port combinations.  This is both to support troubleshooting,
which is very important to ISPs trying to figure out why something may not
be working, as well as to meet region-specific ISP requirements for
responding to legally-binding requests for information from law enforcement
authorities.  For example, on this last point, if an attack comes from a
user and you need to track back the attacker, you need some ability to trace
abuse through log data.

> JL
> 
> ------ 
> From: David Ward <[email-masked]>
> Date: Wed, 3 Feb 2010 12:04:38 -0500
> To: <[email-masked]>
> Cc: David Ward <[email-masked]>, Ralph Droms <[email-masked]>, Brian
> Haberman <[email-masked]>, james woodyatt <[email-masked]>, "Lee,
> Yiu" <[email-masked]>, Randy Bush <[email-masked]>, Alain Durand
> <[email-masked]>
> Subject: WG LC: 
> http://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-softwire-dual-stack-lite-03
> 
> All -
> 
> I'd like to start the WG LC on the draft "Dual-stack lite broadband
> deployments post IPv4 exhaustion." It can be found here:
> 
> http://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-softwire-dual-stack-lite-03
> 
> I call to your attention the significant restructuring of the document and
> movement of informational material to appendices and clarifications
> throughout.
> 
> The LC will close 2010.02.18 at 1700 PST. Please send all comments to this
> thread which includes all authors.
> 
> Many thanks
> 
> -DWard