Subject: [stir] AD Review: draft-ietf-stir-passport-shaken-04

From: Adam Roach <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 19 Oct 2018 18:54:00 -0500

This is my AD review for draft-ietf-stir-passport-shaken-04.  I have a 
handful
of comments below that I'd like to see addressed prior to asking the IESG to
consider the document. Please treat them as you would any other last-call
comments. I have no blocking comments, and will be placing the document
in IETF last call shortly.

Thanks to everyone who worked on this document.

/a

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Abstract:

 >  Industry Solutions) and the SIP Forum IP-NNI Joint Task Force.  These

Please expand "IP-NNI".

 >  coming from both STIR participating originating communications as

Please expand "STIR" on first use.

Also, as "STIR-participating" is a compound adjective, it needs to be
hyphenated. With the expansion, this would look like:

    coming from both SIP Telephony Identity Revisited (STIR)-participating
    originating communications as...

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§1:

 >  The SHAKEN [ATIS-1000074] specification defines a framework for using
 >  STIR protocols including PASSporT [RFC8225], SIP Authenticated
...
 >  current telephone network contains both VoIP and TDM/SS7 originated

For the purposes of acronym expansion, the Abstract is not treated as 
part of
the document. Please expand SHAKEN, STIR, PASSporT, VoIP, TDM, and SS7 on
first use.  See 
https://www.rfc-editor.org/materials/abbrev.expansion.txt for
more details.

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§2:

 >  The key words "MUST", "MUST NOT", "REQUIRED", "SHALL", "SHALL NOT",
 >  "SHOULD", "SHOULD NOT", "RECOMMENDED", "MAY", and "OPTIONAL" in this
 >  document are to be interpreted as described in [RFC2119].

Please update to the boilerplate in RFC 8174.

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§3:

 >  and represents the service provider receiving a call from a non
 >  PASSporT or STI supporting telephone gateway.

Nit: "...from a non-PASSporT- and non-STI-supporting telephone gateway."

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§4:

 >  can be one of the following three values, 'A', 'B', or 'C' as defined
 >  in [ATIS-1000074].

Nit: "...one of the following three values: 'A', 'B',..."

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§5:

 >  opaque identifier corresponding to the service provider-initiated
 >  calls themselves,

Nit: "...service-provider-initiated calls..."

 >  documents that more precisely guide it's usage in real deployments.

Nit: "...its usage..."

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§6:

 >     "orig":{"tn":"12155551212"},

The NANPA has reserved the range "555-0100" through "555-0199" in all area
codes for fictitious use. The number used in this example is a valid number
allocated for directory assistance use. Consider using "12155550121" (or 
some
similarly reserved number for this example. See
https://www.nationalnanpa.com/number_resource_info/555_numbers.html for more
information.

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§7:

 >  [RFC3261] aligned with the use of the identity header defined in

Nit: "...identity header field..."