Subject: draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03 editorials (resent)

From: Alfred Hönes <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:35:45 +0200 (MESZ)

[[ Resent after posting problems -- thanks Lisa for correcting these! ]]

Note:
  In the meantime, the authors already have addressed the itemse
  below and the -04 draft version is on its way to the archive.

Kind regards,
  Alfred.

----- Forwarded message -----

> From: Alfred Hönes <[email-masked]>
> To: [email-masked], [email-masked], [email-masked]
> Cc: [email-masked]
> Message-Id: <[email-masked]>
> Date: Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:30:43 +0200 (MESZ)
> Subject: draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03 editorials

Hello authors,

following up to your revised GSMA URN Namespace Internet-Draft,
        draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03,
I found one potential ABNF issue and a couple of editorial flaws
 that should be addressed before publication of the memo as an RFC.

Otherwise, that draft now looks reasonable for going ahead with
the registration.

(1)  Abstract -- language/punctuation

The 2nd sentence,
                                             [...].  The IMEI is 15
   decimal digits long and the IMEISV is 16 decimal digits long and are
   both encoded using Binary Encoded Decimal (BCD).  [...]

should perhaps better be written as:
                                             [...].  The IMEI is 15
|  decimal digits long and the IMEISV is 16 decimal digits long, and
       vvvvv                                                   ^    ^^^
|  both are encoded using Binary Encoded Decimal (BCD).  [...]

(I.e., swap "are" and "both", and insert a comma after the 2nd "long".)

(2)  Section 3.1 -- ABNF flaw ??

In the 'Declaration of syntactic structure', the draft specifies:

|        urn:gsma:<gsma-specifier>:[<gsma-specifier-defined-string>]+
                                  ^^

and the subsequent prose indicates that
 "... the colon can only occur as a delimiter between string values."

Therefore, I strongly suspect that you might have wanted the colon
to be repeated as a separator character between multiple
<gsma-specifier-defined-string>s in future extensions of GSMA URNs,
and hence the grammar should say:

|        urn:gsma:<gsma-specifier>[:<gsma-specifier-defined-string>]+
                                  ^^

(3)  Section 3.1 -- punctuation

The 'Declaration of syntactic structure' contains two paragraphs
introducing ABNF snippets, which are inconsistent in the punctuation
used:

a)
      The formal definition of the IMEI string representation is
|     provided by the following ABNF [7].
                                        ^
b)
      The formal definition of the IMEISV string representation is
|     provided by the following ABNF [7]
                                        ^
I suggest that _both_ paragraphs be terminated with either a period
or (IMHO better) a colon.

Later on, the 'Identifier persistence considerations' clause contains
a spurious comma, and missing white space aftre the end of a sentence.
Please correct:

      As the NID sought is "gsma" and GSMA is the long standing acronym
      for the trade association that represents the mobile phone
|     operators the URN should also persist indefinitely, (at least as
                                          v             ^^
|     long as there is a need for its use).The assignment process
      guarantees that names are not reassigned.  [...]
---
      As the NID sought is "gsma" and GSMA is the long standing acronym
      for the trade association that represents the mobile phone
|     operators the URN should also persist indefinitely (at least as
                                          vvv           ^
|     long as there is a need for its use).  The assignment process
      guarantees that names are not reassigned.  [...]

(4)  Section 4.1 -- wrong word yields mis-specification

With regard to the figure (and the similar situation in Section 4.2),
the 2nd sentence does not make sense.  Please correct:

   The IMEI format is 15 decimal digits encoded in 8 octets using BCD as
   defined in 3GPP TS 24.008 [6].  The most significant digit is coded
|  in the least significant bits of octet 1.  The least significant
          ^^^^^
   digit is coded in the least significant bits of octet 8.
---
   The IMEI format is 15 decimal digits encoded in 8 octets using BCD as
   defined in 3GPP TS 24.008 [6].  The most significant digit is coded
|  in the most significant bits of octet 1.  The least significant
          ^^^^
   digit is coded in the least significant bits of octet 8.

(5)  Section 4.1.2 -- punctuation

Please supply the missing trailing period.

(6)  Section 8

Oooops!
I thought you wanted the IANA to register a new URN Namespace!

So please add the operational instruction for the clerical IANA
function:

8.  IANA considerations

   The GSMA will maintain a registry of the permissible values for the
   elements comprising the NSS.  Information may be obtained in [3].
---
8.  IANA considerations

|  In accordance wuth BCP 66 [1], IANA is asked to register the Formal
|  URN Namespace 'GSMA' in the Registry of URN Namespaces, using the
|  registration template presented in Section 3 of this document.
|
   The GSMA will maintain a registry of the permissible values for the
   elements comprising the NSS.  Information may be obtained in [3].

IMHO, the original, and now second, paragraph could be dropped because
it is of no interest for IANA.

(7)  Section 9 -- punctuation and typo

(7a)  1st paragraph

I suggest to separate the two independent parts of that clause by a
semicolon and add a comma afer "therefore" :

   IMEIs (with the Spare value set to zero) are displayable on most
|  Mobile Equipment therefore they must not be used as security
   capabilities (identifiers whose mere possession grants access), for
   example.
---
   IMEIs (with the Spare value set to zero) are displayable on most
|  Mobile Equipment; therefore, they must not be used as security
                   ^          ^
   capabilities (identifiers whose mere possession grants access), for
   example.

(7b)  2nd paragraph

Again, white space is missing after the end of a sentence.
Please correct:     s/trusted.Care/trusted.  Care/
                             ^            ^^^

(7b)  3rd paragraph

s/chnaged/changed/
    ^^      ^^

(8)  References

THe ABNF Standard id used in a normative manner in Setcion 3.1.
Therefore, Ref. [7] should be promoted to Normative !

Kind regards,
  Alfred Hönes.

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